This is not my ceiling
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
