garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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