I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
