he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
