The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
