just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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