I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
