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just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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