Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
