It's Friday. Sex?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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