I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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