I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
