You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you mean i was at the winter classic?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
