I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
