dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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