Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have post one night stand depression
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