; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Someone signed my nipple.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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