I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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