and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I haven't been this sober since birth.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
