OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
