Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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