mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
