I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
