I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
