i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
