The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
