Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
