my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
