I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
