You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Go christen that room with your naked body.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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