I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
