I can tuck mytits in my pants
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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