That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
