just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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