remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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