I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
