Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i've created a new STD.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
