They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Did you pee in the oven last night??
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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