I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
