i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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