The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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