I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
