I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
