PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
