Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
