I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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