is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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