My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
