Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
