He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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