"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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