i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
