Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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