Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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