So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
